Post #20 - PTSD

Post #20 - March 31, 2017

I never thought I had PTSD.  That was only for war veterans and people with severe, violent trauma. My therapist last fall was the first one to mention PTSD to me, because I have fairly severe reactions to certain people and/or the things they say. Then Trump was elected President.  Every day since his election and especially since he took office, I have had an overwhelming sense of dread and feel powerless.  The executive orders and bills that have been passed rolling back EPA regulations, de-funding Planned Parenthood, removing internet privacy, etc, etc, etc is appalling and I can't hardly take it.  I'm afraid for our planet and can hardly believe how anyone can possibly pass laws that destroy the place we live.  I am so fucking sick of Colorado Congressmen Mike Coffman & Ken Buck.  What losers.  Two-faced assholes. Trump and the Republicans all remind me of my dad, Eleanor and relatives.  It used to be that I could choose to not be around my family, so as to not remind myself of how they threw me under the bus and how racist, bigoted, misogynistic and chauvinistic they are.  Now with Trump, it's in my face every single day,  It used to be just part of my personal, private world, now this shit is on a national scale.  I try to not think about it and go about my day, but I am depressed.  Then I get REALLY angry.  I'm having a difficult time even wanting to do things.  I can't get motivated to do yoga or go running.  All I want to do is move out of the country. I want to be away from this stupidity and ignorance.  My relatives don't believe in global warming, my dad watched Fox news 24/7.  I am now forced to be around my 'relatives' on tv & internet, because Twitler, Cheeto Head, POTUS bully is fucking everywhere and doing stupid fucking things.  Good god.  I've never really been a big fan of alcohol, but Fireball whiskey is a big temptation lately.  I think I could easily become an alcoholic. I don't buy it, but it's scary for me to think & admit this. Definitely points to mental stress & anxiety.  I get so angry and I'm not sure what to do with it. Today, I took a dish towel and hit the kitchen counter top probably 30 times.  Just whipped the shit out of it.