Some common parental conditions include extreme rigidity, extreme punitiveness, judgmentalness, perfectionism and a cold or non-loving relationship with children or other family members. The parents are inadequate to administer to the mental, emotional and spiritual needs of the child.
These states or conditions are often insidious, subtle or hidden. They may be difficult to recognize without some substantial recovery work in self-help groups, group therapy, individual counseling or in other forms of introspection by sharing with and listening to trusted others. Outwardly, these families are usually not viewed as being troubled or dysfunctional. Indeed, they are often viewed as being 'normal' or 'healthy.' pg. 35
Appeasing; 'Yes, but....' detaching from the feelings. "It happened, but....they (my parents) did their best." This approach to protecting our parents is a 'why bother' stance and prevents us from beginning necessary grief work & getting free of our suffering. pg 101
And even if we work for along time to discover and heal our Child Within, we may not be able to heal our differences with our parents. We come to the realization that we cannot fix them. They are the way they are, and nothing that we can do will change that. And so we let go.
For some people whose parents or others - such as actively alcoholic, violent or otherwise abusing person - are 'toxic' to them, it may be helpful to separate from them for a few months to a year, or more. Such separation or 'detoxification' period provides a space and a peace that will allow us to begin to discover and heal out Child Within. pg. 105-106
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