Post #8 - Ralph

Post #8 - Thursday, October 20, 2016 - Warning - may be TMI.

I mentioned Ralph in an earlier post.  I met him when I moved to Denver after I graduated from college.  I was still very much a born-again Christian and the college I went to was Mennonite Brethren (MB), so I started going to an MB church here in Denver.  Some of the people who went to that church also went to the college I attended (Tabor College - Hillsboro, KS).   Ralph was 4 years older than I....same age difference as my brother and I (coincidence?  probably not).   His mom was really strange and his sister (she was a bit younger than him) was probably schizophrenic....she definitely had some sort of mental disorder.  Ralph's dad was deceased.  I don't remember why or for how long.   As stated in my earlier post, I weighed around 165 lbs, so my self-esteem was really low and I honestly couldn't understand why Ralph was even interested in me.  He was good looking, athletic and an engineer.  I was still very active....running, biking, etc.  But yipes...I was fat!  :(  I don't remember how long we dated....it was quite awhile....like a year or two maybe?  Not sure.  During that time, I was certain he was really more interested in another person.  Every time I saw him talking to her I got extremely jealous.  I still have issues with jealousy.  I'm not sure where that comes from, but I do know it's very difficult to get rid of.  I don't like to admit it, but that's the truth....I have issues with jealousy.  Ralph was a 'Christian' as well, so sex was off limits.  I didn't want it anyway...was waiting until I got married, like a good little girl.  Ralph, however, had no qualms using me for his own pleasure.  He would rub himself against me until he had an orgasm and ejaculate all over me.   I, then, had to clean myself up.  WTF?  Because of my brother and the boundaries he crossed (and the way I was raised in general), I have had difficulty knowing what appropriate boundaries are and I also find that when I express that a boundary has been crossed or that I'm uncomfortable with things, the guy I'm with tends to belittle what I say and/or get upset that I have put a halt to things.   Eventually, I broke-up with Ralph.  What a relief that was.  I know I was in therapy for awhile before that happened.  What a huge step for my self-esteem.  Since then, I have tried to breakup with guys long before it gets to the point of being so uncomfortable for me (like it was with Ralph).  Six months, after I broke-up with Ralph he was engaged to be married.  I never met his wife, but dang, I feel sorry for her.  Nothing like being a good Christian wife, where the man is the head of the house.  I would have to be emotionally dead to survive that sort of existence, which is probably why I put up with it for so long.  Emotional intelligence is very important and people who don't have it aren't in my life for too long now.

P.S. I emailed Mr. MC, told him I had googled him and asked him if he was 61.  I said I was curious since his craigslist ad mentioned he was 59?   He said yes, he turned 61 on Sept. 30th.  He said he had lied by 1 year. He had posted the ad on Sept 29th, so technically he was right, but really?   Splitting hairs, I would say, but then again, a lie is a lie if it's 1 year or 1 year 364 days.   He's gone.