Post #11 - The Bitch Slap of Truth

Post #11 - November 4, 2016

I recently read a book by Mary Karr - Lit: A Memoir.  Her life story is very different from mine, however, I have learned a few things (I love non-fiction).  For some reason, she continued to try to get from her mother the kind of relationship she needed/wanted.  I am not going to do that.  My mom turned 80 a couple of days ago.  I didn't call, email or text.  The only reason I would've is out of guilt.  I don't do things out of guilt anymore. I have also decided to start calling her by her first name, Eleanor.  This creates some separation and doesn't have the emotional tug that the word 'mom' does.  Reading this book, as well as a lot other things, has helped make it clear that I will not get the emotional support that I have craved, so it's time to let that want/desire go. The relationship the author has with her mother was frustrating to read about (also other people she writes about in her book). I just wanted to smack her.  It brought to light how damaging & fruitless the push/pull of this kind of relationship can be.  I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to see this in my own situation. Actually, I've seen it....just didn't want to believe or accept it. Children/people always have hope, I guess.  The telephone conversation I had with Eleanor in August (detailed in the Setting Boundaries post) (and the fact she hasn't called me since) sorta sealed the deal as well. You can't get blood from a turnip.

I went to The Bitch Slap Of Truth last evening with a couple of friends - first BSOT ever:  http://www.thebitchslapoftruth.com/

It was great.  The women who spoke (all 6 of them) were very good.  I would LOVE to speak at one of these events (or almost anywhere!).  During my run this morning, I was thinking of what I would talk about.....what my point would be.  I relish any chance to talk about my life, the events that have shaped it and my emotional journey towards healing & acceptance.  I find I run better (stronger, etc) when I think about powerful, uplifting things.  I have a lot of  'conversations' when I run.  I've always said that running saved my life - I firmly believe that.  

Saw this posted on a friend's facebook page:

"November is here and people are busy making plans for the big Thanksgiving dinner. Families will gather around the table and share thanks with expectations that victims will hold hands with violators. This expectation is sadistic. Thanksgiving and forgiving are not synonymous. No one gets to choose if, when or why a survivor should forgive a violator. That’s not anyone’s business. Unless someone can walk the entire journey for the survivor, then they don’t get to tell the survivor how to proceed on the healing journey in a way that makes the family look “normal”. Families tend not to change. But survivors do change. The change often distances us from families and family functions. So, as we prepare to give thanks, be thankful for the change, even if it means spending the holiday away from the dysfunctional family table. You are no longer the turkey at the table."
- Talking Trees: Adult Survivors of CSA