This past year has been a struggle. I met a guy in May 2021 and we dated until February 2022. He lied to me from the first day. I didn't know it at the time. I did know he was a liar about a month into 'dating' him. Why I didn't walk away is beyond me. We dated for 9 months. He lied to me about other women he was seeing, about his wife, about how he got herpes, among other things.
I also quite my job of 8 1/2 years this past November. The owner of the company, which was my boss was discriminatory to me based on my age and sex. He called me 'mom' and 'grandma' on three separate occasions. He also referred to how expensive my health insurance is for the company (due to my age). He did that twice. I filed a charge with the Colorado Civil Rights Division (CCRD) for age and sex discrimination and workplace harassment. He got so ugly to me when I raised the age and sex issues with him. I filed a formal internal complaint, which they have never responded to. In their response to my CCRD charge, he lied over and over. I have two videos of meetings that I was part of that prove my points and disprove his.
I started an accounting job (remote) on January 30th (2023) and was let go yesterday (11 days later). The owners (husband and wife - don't ever work for small, family owned businesses!) contradicted each other, yet I was supposed to know which person to believe. I basically got zero training on new applications that I hadn't used before: Front, Clickup, and Box. Somehow I was just supposed to know how to use them and to 'figure it out on my own' (Adam's words when he fired me). I was invited to a meeting last Thursday with the other employees (some new, some had been with the company for awhile) and a person from Front was also on the meeting answering our questions. One of the team members asked three questions and then the Front person asked if there were other questions. I asked a question, which she helped me with. When Adam fired me he told me I should have figured that out and not asked that question! WTF? The whole meeting was for this Front person to answer our questions. There are so many instances of this in just the 10 days I worked there. I threatened (in my mind) to quit every day starting at Day 2.
I'm so tired of being treated like shit. Why are these types of people coming into my life? Am I attracting this crap? I struggle with thinking that I am attracting this, yet I'm the common denominator. My mother betrayed me and blindsided me when I confronted my brother regarding incest 31 years ago. Now other significant relationships - dating and work - also have that dynamic - betrayal and blindsided. Do I have a part to play in this? Am I just a victim? I realize I have choices in how I respond, but why am I in these situations to begin with?
I've always struggled with setting boundaries with people, but I set a boundary the other day. One of my friends always has a 'spiritual' and/or 'enlightened' response to things I say. He knows I filed a charge against my former employer and I told him the response to my charge from my former employer was full of lies. I'm still in the middle of this and have a lot of emotion surrounding it, because I was treated so poorly. His response was that I needed to radically accept the situation! Fuck him. Then the other day he asked me how my new job was going and I told him the owners were smart, but their training was pathetic. He said something about how having expectations is the road to disappointment. Really? That's supposed to be helpful? I told him that he was so spiritual and enlightened (not). His response to that was 'Insults say more about the person giving them than receiving.' I told him that the point is I don't need you to tell me to be radically accepting or not to have expectations. What I want from you is just to hear me. I don't tell you what to think or how to be. I would appreciate the same.
I need to tell my mom this sort of thing as well. That I don't see things the way she does. I don't have the religious beliefs she does. She made a snide comment about the fact that I quit my other job. I didn't go into why I quit, as I know she would've taken my bosses' side! She always takes anyone and everyone else's side, but mine. Numerous stories and instances of that.
I'm not sure life is worth living to be honest. If this is what I have to put up with over and over and over, what's the point? I think about suicide often. It's a good thing I don't own a gun, because I'd be gone by now (no doubt about that). The majority of me wants to see where this all ends up, so I keep living. I feel like I've wasted a lot of my life doing work that doesn't fulfill me (accounting) and working for people who are not healthy and sometimes abusive.
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