Post #6 - Disillusioned

Post #6 - Monday, October 17 ,2016 So, this past Saturday, I met a guy to go mtn biking at Buffalo Creek. We met on craigslist (sort of a long story) and he said he was 59, retired high school physics teacher, 5'10", Italian, frugal, likes to rock climb, hike & bike. We had 'chatted' via email a few times, however, he wasn't all that engaging. So we meet at the Morrison Rd / C470 lot to carpool. He told me he drives a Toyota Celica and can fit both bikes in the back of his car. I met him at 10:00 hoping he's more of a conversationalist in person than via email (we also had talked once on the phone and that was pretty darn boring). Sure enough, he is more 'chatty' so that's good. Now, I don't have the latest & greatest bike or gear, but most of it is from the past decade! His car was filthy, the windshield was so dirty you couldn't hardly see out of it. Is frugal the same as cheap? He has a cassette player in his car with cassette tapes on the floor in the back. We get to the Pine Valley Ranch trailhead and start biking....his bike is I don't know how old with Schrader valves! I haven't seen Schrader vales since my bike in high school!!! We start riding and my front brake is making noise, so we stop a couple of times to try to adjust my front wheel (I have disc brakes). Nothing seems to work and it is VERY annoying. It's clear pretty quickly that he is slower than I, so I take the lead and cruise up the climb. He's not far behind tho. He had offered to adjust my front brake, so at the next intersection I take him up on that offer. I had stopped in the shade and he says for me to move over more in the shade and points to where I need to be. It was like a foot from where I was. Now, I know this isn't a big deal, however, I've been around a lot of controlling men/people in my life and seemingly insignificant gestures and/or comments alert me and a red flag is raised. What difference does it make if I stop where I did or move a foot over? Also, I had googled him and also know he isn't 59....he's 61. So he adjusts my front brake and all seems better. Whew. So, he says he usually stops for lunch at a particular place and tries to describe it. I have no idea where he's talking about and I say that I didn't bring a lunch. I don't usually stop for lunch! I bring energy bars, stop quickly to eat and keep riding. So, we continue on and we get to the place he wants to stop and eat and he pulls out a sandwich. So we're there for probably 20 minutes. We continue riding and the plan was to drop down Sandy Wash and then go up Nice Kitty and do the Little Scraggy loop. We get up to Little Scraggy and started on that loop and I decided there's no way we had time for that. So, I stopped, he came up behind me and he rode by me to keep going and I told him I didn't think we had time for that loop. I told him we had only gone 15 miles in 3 1/2 hours (slower than hell) and the Little Scraggy loop was at least 10-12. He said 'no, it's only like 4.' And I said well, no, it's at least 6 to the road and then it loops around and comes back. I said let's ask someone. So, here comes a guy and so I asked him how long the Little Scraggy loop was and he said it was 12 miles. So, I said, we don't have time for this loop as we had to go at least 15 to get back to the car from where we were currently. So, we turned around and headed back to the TH. As it was we only went 33 miles in over 6 hours and we would've been coming back in the dark had we done the Little Scraggy loop. He said he had ridden out there quite a lot and he did seem to know the trails fairly well. Neither of us had a map (I don't need one, however, I usually take one just for good measure). We get back to the parking lot and he sees someone he knows, so he chats with her for awhile. It's probably 6:00 by then and I was hoping to eat at Zoka's in Pine Grove. They have really good burgers. I had mentioned that place to him when we talked on the phone. I went over and chatted with his friend and her group (they had been kayaking). Then we load up the car and head back to Denver. He didn't mentioned getting food, didn't offer and drove right past the Morrison exit where my car was parked because he was on a 'Trump' rant. He had a few Trump rants (which I understand, however, it was a bit much). I don't understand why men lie.....he's not 59, he's not 5'10" (more like 5'7" or 8"). I figure if people will lie about 'little' things then they will lie about bigger things as well. I met another guy recently who made strange comments to me like 'well, when I move in with you' and 'you'll have to measure me' when I asked him if he was 5'9" or 5'10" as he had some conflicting information on his profile. And then another guy who was sending me what I consider pornographic text messages. How old are we? Jr High? I can understand if we're dating seriously and for awhile, then these comments may be appropriate. But for someone I've just met? Am I a prude? Maybe some women like this sort of thing? Maybe guys think this is flirting and/or I won't find out that they lied about their age and/or height? It may be just me as well. I am just not happy. I don't want to do the work that I'm doing. I don't want to have a house. I want to get in my car, start driving and see where I end up. I'm really tired of the responsibility of home ownership. I feel stuck, unable to do what I want to do. Actually, tho, I don't have any ties...I'm not married, have no kids and could easily sell my house and leave all of this behind me. I am afraid tho. What if that isn't the right decision? What if I spend all of my savings and have nothing to show for it? I actually haven't wanted to do accounting for quite a few years. I find a job, think it's going to be great and then in 1 - 2 yrs, I'm bored to tears and ready to move on. Accounting is the exact same shit every month. I currently have a client that is having serious cash flow issues. Poor management as well. Another client is really frustrating. The CFO is smart, but not a good manager and the accounting was a mess when I started helping. Transactions coming in from everywhere and a person involved that messes things up. I knew this as I worked for him 20 years ago. I made a mistake taking on this client. Do people up and leave when they're 53 yrs old? Is this a mid-life crisis? I have had so many people come into my life the past few months that were really just a waste of my time. The men I've met seem to be controlling. One even admitted he was controlling! Good god. He was a former high school classmate that I hadn't seen in 35 yrs. He had googled me, looked me up on linked in, looked me up on Facebook (even tho he doesn't have a FB account - he had a co-worker look me up) and knew all kinds of things about me. It was sorta creepy. I can understand researching someone...I do it too. This seemed a bit over the top. Oh and because he's a banker he has access to a database that shows how much people paid for their homes.  So he looked up mine!  I know that information is public, however, he had access to more than what the average person does.  He knew what I looked like when I first met him, but I had no idea he had a HUGE beer gut and wasn't fit whatsoever. He also immediately started making comments about how I should move north (to Greeley, Eaton), that I would love it up there. REALLY? He doesn't even know me. It's unbelievable what people think they can say to a person. He tells me that the Poudre Canyon is beautiful, which it is, but so are all of the canyons down here (Golden Gate, Coal Creek, Bear Creek, etc). He bought me a Bruce Hornsby CD....didn't ask me if I wanted one. Bought me oil and vinegar containers (cheap ones I might add) and didn't ask me if I wanted them. I don't get it. I guess I'm supposed to be enamored with him because he's a VP at a bank, set to become their CFO in a couple of years? Is that supposed to be enough for me to be interested? Doesn't work that way for me. I'm not easily impressed with material things. It's more what the person is, how they treat me, do they understand the things that I do, do they support me? They need to have emotional intelligence. And one ounce of controlling and I'm gone. It didn't take long for me to see why his wife had wanted a divorce. She lasted 21 yrs with him. I couldn't last 21 days. Sometimes I feel like I'm demented, that the trauma in my childhood has affected me to such a degree that I am too sensitive and tend to over react. But, on the other hand, traits like those of my brother & parents are red flags for me. Why would I want to be around people like them? Our circumstances shape our lives and who gets to determine what's 'normal' anyway?