Post #29 - Fighting to Stay Alive - Part 2

Post #29 - October 13, 2017

It's been 3 months since Part I of Fighting to Stay Alive.  I've, overall, been doing fairly well until yesterday.  I believe it is a combination of things that started the downward spiral.  Between contemplating the Harvey Weinstein crap (see my earlier post) and then attending class #4 of the IMPACT personal safety course, I think the shit hit the fan.  In the IMPACT class, we worked on setting verbal boundaries and making requests.  I've done this exercise in the past in a different  setting and it hit me, yet again, how when  I set boundaries, rather than people respecting those boundaries and understanding my request, they, instead, walk away.  Or I have to walk away, because they won't respect me and the boundary.  This is so hard for me to understand.  Eleanor is my prime example.   I was thinking about why she has chosen my brother over me.  I realize, it really doesn't have a whole lot to do with me.  She has chosen someone whom she knows she could (and did) commiserate with her in regards to my dad.  My brother did not like my dad, so I'm sure he supported Eleanor's victim mentality in regards to my dad.  Eleanor is narcissistic and chose her needs above her daughter's.  Sad to think an adult could and would do that.

Another thing that has hit me hard, is a young mountain climber, Hayden Kennedy, committed suicide this past week.  I had never heard of him and yet when I hear people spouting off on how suicide is selfish, it really pisses me off.  I've never thought that suicide was selfish or cowardly.  Sorta like saying the Las Vegas shooter was a coward.  I think it takes an immense amount of guts to do something like that.  I'm not saying it's the good kind of guts.  This is the definition of coward: "a person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things." Hardly how I would describe the Las Vegas shooter.  If a person has the courage to shoot 58 people and/or take their own life, I would hardly call them a coward.  The definition of a coward is Eleanor....someone who can't stand up for what (and who) is right, even if it means losing a bit of their own comfort.  That's the definition of coward and selfish.